Book of Mormon, I Love You

Once again, I'm at Moroni 10.

I used to get there more often. I think over the years I have averaged a re-read every nine or ten months.

Looking back, though, I am forced to admit that it's been nearly 18 months, because this is proof. Either it's been 18 months or I've finished it twice since then and just don't remember.

This is all too possible.

So Moroni 10 is familiar territory to me. I actually really like Moroni, and I feel for him, for being left alone, for witnessing the destruction of his people, and even finally losing his father to the Lamanites, which may have even been the most terrible loss of all.

But despite the chapter's familiarity, as I got to Moroni's promise in verse 4,

And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

I stopped and pondered. I thought about the promise as if I hadn't read it countless times before.

And I accepted anew the truth of it, the truth that the study of the Book of Mormon has made me a better person, that God's words and instructions to me have changed me and have taught me, and that Christ's atonement has resonance for me in a way that it wouldn't without the Book of Mormon. Heavenly Father HAS manifested the truth of it to me over and over, in little and in big revelations.

I wish I could say that the study of God's word has made me a perfect person. Just so you know, that's not the case (like you didn't know that already...). I wish the truths in the scriptures were written deep enough in the fleshy tablets of my heart that I wouldn't doubt, that I wouldn't fight, that I wouldn't be stubborn.

I DO hope that repetition will score the truths deeper into my heart every time I return to the word of God, and that one day my walk in this world will measure up a little more to what I know is true and what I know is right, to the truths that I've been taught in all of the scriptures, but especially in the Book of Mormon.

Spiritual Ambiguities

I just returned home from a tender and terribly sad funeral. I didn't feel ready to jump back into home life when I walked in the door, and the kids happened to be engrossed in Nacho Libre. I know. I'm so glad that they were watching Nacho Libre instead of practicing or finishing their chores. Wouldn't you be?

But Nacho Libre gave me the chance to study a little, so thank you, Jared Hess and Jack Black.

I found myself eventually reading this amazing talk, Love is Not Blind, given by Bruce C. Hafen in 1979. Remarkable, and really moving to me. I will admit to having found myself at each of the levels of dealing with ambiguity that he lays out, and too often I have stuck at levels one or two. Level three is harder to achieve, and takes effort and faith to retain.

One passage that I loved:

If we are not willing to grapple with the frustration that comes from honestly and bravely facing the uncertainties we encounter, we may never develop the kind of spiritual maturity that is necessary for our ultimate preparations. It was Heber C. Kimball who once said that the Church has many close places through which it must yet pass and that those living on borrowed light will not be able to stand when those days come. Thus, we need to develop the capacity to form judgments of our own about the value of ideas, opportunities, or people who may come into our lives. We will not always have the security of knowing whether a certain idea is "Church approved," because new ideas do not always come along with little tags attached to them saying whether the Church has given them the stamp of approval. Whether in the form of music, books, friends, or opportunities to serve, there is much that is "lovely, . . . of good report, [and] praiseworthy" (Article of Faith 13) that is not the subject of detailed discussion in Church manuals or courses of instruction. Those who will not risk exposure to experiences of life that are not obviously related to some well-known Church work or program will, I believe, live less abundant and meaningful lives than the Lord intends. We must develop sufficient independence of judgment and maturity of perspective that we are prepared to handle the shafts and whirlwinds of adversity and contradiction that are so likely to come along in our lives. When those times come, we cannot be living on borrowed light. We should not be deceived by the clear-cut labels some may use to describe circumstances that are, in fact, not so clear. Our encounters with reality and disappointment are in fact vital stages in the development of our maturity and understanding.

Having a spiritual life in a world with so much pain, so much that is unfair, so much that is incomprehensible can be a daunting task, but I'm finding much more peace and joy through choosing faith than I ever do when I choose doubt. Actually, what I'm finding so interesting is how often faith and doubt reside in me at the same time, and how much I feel God understands this. In fact, I think He knows I need both to become the person He wants me to be.

Tender Mercies

I love Elder Bednar's talk on the Lord's care for us, shown through his tender mercies. It spoke to me the first time I heard it, and I still love it. I've often had experiences just as Elder Bednar described in his talk, where the spirit has testified to me through small happenings that I am known to God, that He cares for me and that He has a stake in my daily life.

Elder Bednar puts it this way:

Since last October I have reflected repeatedly upon the phrase "the tender mercies of the Lord." Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly, the Lord suits "his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men" (D&C 46:15).

As I indicated earlier, the Lord's tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings.

This month, I had a rather remarkable experience that represented to me again the Lord's care for each of us. I began preparing for a solo piano recital in January. The recital theme was "Dedication" and I dedicated pieces to each of my children, my parents, and my husband. I practiced these eight pieces until the memory was solid a month before the recital date. I wanted no danger of memory slips during the performance, especially since this was my first long memorized performance in more than 10 years, and it all felt rather scary.

When I first put together the program, I considered learning a piece for my mother-in-law, but it kept kind of slipping my mind, and although I kept coming back to it, even asking her which piece she'd like me to learn, I never went anywhere with it. She never told me a piece, and it just never happened.

Then, the day before the recital I started practicing for the day and had a very strong impression that I needed to perform a specific piece for my mother-in-law. It's a piece I learned for my senior recital (which was, I am sad to say, more than 15 years ago). She had loved it then, but I hadn't performed it since. I ignored the feeling for a while until I realized that it was more than a passing idea, it was actually a prompting. The idea of relearning, memorizing, and performing a piece in 24 hours was daunting, and more than a little terrifying, but I decided to go with it and see where it took me.

The relearning was EASY, the re-memorizing was EASY. As it all came together, I understood that the spirit was flooding my mind with knowledge, and that my own abilities were being magnified for God's purposes. I had the piece in my head in about an hour. It felt crazy, but right.

The next evening, I performed her piece. I wondered before the recital began if I were just a little bit nuts (ummm...Yes.), but it went beautifully. I felt the spirit confirm to me that it was divinely determined that I should play that piece, and again, I felt the magnification of my own memory, my own mind.

I had prayed as I prepared this recital that it would be something that Heavenly Father could use for His own purposes, that I could just be an instrument in His hands. Playing Chopin for my mother-in-law was one of the ways He answered that prayer.

(And she loved it. It meant something important to her, and to me. I think the tender mercy of the Lord that night was both for me AND for her. She doesn't know how to use the internet, so I think the secret is safe that I didn't really learn her piece until the day before. Shhh. Don't tell.)

Taking Offense

I found this quote in the comments section in the Segullah blog (I love Segullah.) Taking and giving offense has been on my mind for the last few weeks, and I loved loved loved this quote. (I know Clayne Robison from my time in the school of music at BYU, and his father, an incredibly sweet man, happened to be in my parents' ward.)

Clayne Robinson, a BYU music professor, wrote: “I tell my children that if I had to choose between a world in which no one ever gave offence and a world in which no one ever took offence, I would certainly choose the latter. A heaven filled with people tiptoeing around so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings sounds like hell to me. I’m not sure anything valuable would get done. But to be surrounded by people who chose never to be offended by mistakes, or miscalculations, or vigorous growing pains, or rough hewn ways, sounds like heaven indeed.”!

I have sometimes given offense to people that I love deeply, never intentionally. It is a hard place to be, knowing that you've caused pain, and wishing desperately not to have done so. The blessing of the Atonement is that it covers these unintentional offenses as well as sin caused with open eyes, and I can only hope that those I've hurt can turn to Christ's gift to us to be healed from this pain, along with all other suffering. And when I'm the one that is suffering from someone's unintentional hurt, I hope I can remember the same thing. We're all here treading the same earth, and I truly believe most of us are trying to do our best. I hope we can all choose to give each other the benefit of the doubt and love each other despite our weaknesses. It's what Heavenly Father asks of us, to love each other as He loves us. Not an easy endeavor...

Times and Seasons

You can read it here.

"Living with Others in Peace and Harmony"

That's the title of this week's Relief Society lesson. I hit pay dirt! This lesson teaches itself.

I love that it emphasizes that Joseph Smith taught tolerance, love, and peace. He taught us to show the utmost respect to those of different faiths, to be Christlike in our love for others, and to build each other up rather than tear each other down.

One great quote:

"We will...cultivate peace and friendship with all, mind our own business, and come off with flying colors, respected, because, in respecting others, we respect ourselves."

Fantastic. Don't you wish that quote was memorized and lived by every member of the church?

Here's the lesson, if you're interested.

The Pathway of Discipleship

Some of the time while I run, I listen to talks I download from the podcast LDS Voices. While I was in California, I listened to a beautiful and rich talk by Elder Maxwell that he gave at BYU about 10 years ago, The Pathway of Discipleship. Here are the opening paragraphs:

"When striving disciples reflect deeply upon this mortal experience, it becomes clear that we are all immortal individuals whose ever-present challenge is to apply immortal principles to life’s constantly changing situations. With this perspective, we can improve our daily performances because we fix our gaze on eternity and its great realities.

Though we share immortality, our individual traits, talents, trials, opportunities, and circumstances vary widely. Even so, whatever the particular, passing mortal situation, all of the individuals involved are immortals with immense possibilities. C. S. Lewis put this so well when he said: “It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit” (The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses [1980], 19).

It is a profound thought."

I have loved that CS Lewis quote ever since I first ran across it a few years ago. It resonates with me and reminds me of the worth of each of the people I know, and those I don't.

Another beautiful quote:

"Mercifully, when we make mistakes we can recover and learn from them by “faith unto repentance.” We cannot, of course, relive a particular moment in our lives, but we can use it as a spiritual spur to remake ourselves. We need not let yesterday hold tomorrow hostage.

It is for each of us as immortals to make of these moments in daily life that which eternal principles would have us do. We as Church members have a tremendous challenge in being equal to our theology and our opportunity. We fall short. If we stumble, let us arise and continue the climb. The Lord will bless us because we are possessed of truths about “things as they really are, and … things as they really will be” (Jacob 4:13). These truths beckon us, even in our imperfections, to be better. "

I miss Elder Maxwell. His words have inspired me many times.